Watashi no akumu to no titaimu
by tea time at six
Summary: Naruto's a half-demon who decides to sneak out at night to a human and demon infested festival. Big mistake. Real/Full summary inside. SasuNaru, yaoi, My first fanfic, please be nice. 1st chapter is just a short prolog. YAOI, AU, DARKFIC
1. prologue

**Full Summary;** Naruto is a fox demon who's tired of being locked up in his clan's temple. Surely escaping couldn't be so bad? That thought was his first mistake as Naruto's 'normal' life went in a downwards spiral towards what some would call friendship and love. The half demon finds himself a festival for other humans and demons alike. This is where Naruto meets Sasuke, a cat demon. rated T for now, but rating will rise later. **SasuNaru**, **yaoi**, AU, **DARK-FIC** (you have been warned)

**Disclaimer;** I do not own naruto nor any of it's characters. I am not making any profit from this either.

**Pairings;** SasuNaru, ItaKyuu, and others may be added later. feel free to suggest.

**Author's Note; **Thank you all for reading and this is my first fanfiction, so please be nice ouo

This chapter will just be a prolog, then the next chapter will be the technical chapter 1.

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私の悪夢とのティータイム

_Tea time with my nightmares_;

prologue

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**-Prologue; 5 years ago-**

"Just this once," a blonde boy lifted up his index finger while keeping the rest in a fist. "Please Kyuubi," the male continued. His voice was soft, yet stern. Drenched in determination. Kyuubi could see the blue flames lit in the blue eyes of his younger brother.

"Naruto..." the redhead began, dragging a hand through his long hair and being extra careful not to nick his furry ears with his long nails again. "You know how dangerous it is for us kitsune hanyou to attend public areas..."

"I've never even met another guy my age before, let alone another demon." Naruto replied with a slight growl in his tone. "Just because of our stupid species we have to hide our whole lives..."

"Naruto," Kyuubi's voice became sharp, topaz eyes turning darker. "Being a fox demon of _any_ kind is a great honor."

"What's so great about hiding away due to us being so prone to violence? That the 'outside world' believes we've gone extinct due to not being seen for centuries? That they're happy about it?" Naruto's voice became louder and louder as his eyes took on a purple hue. Kyuubi silently listened, stoically watching his brother's easily read emotions flash across his face. Watching as he began simply proving his point by becoming riled up.

"That we're the monsters among monsters! Demons among other demons!" hot tears began freely streaming down sun-kissed cheeks. "That we'll always be hated... Forever alone..." the blonde sniffed, rubbing at his eyes to try and stop the heavy tears from flowing.

"Narut-"

"I hate crying." the younger hanyou suddenly said. The tears abruptly stopped too, as if there wasn't actually much emotion in them at all. "Surely I've cried and ocean by now, ne?" Naruto laughed emptily. His eyes traveled over to the pale hand that twitched by the doorframe. Naruto ignored the redundant object. His face became emotionless and clear like his brother's, both of them seeming as if simply staring out the window while in reality their parents lie dead on the floor simply one room over. Well, almost dead. "I've become stronger like you taught me. I've done everything you asked... Can't I go?"

Kyuubi paused to stare down into his brother's eyes. He watched the flurry of emotions, crystal clear in this sapphire orbs... Unacceptable. "... You are still weak."

"Tsk!" Naruto bared his sharp fangs.

"You let emotions consume you, control you, lead you. This is not good, Otouto."

"Niisan," Naruto warned. "I've done all that you've asked! I mastered everything! Seals, jutsu, writing, health,-"

"That has nothing to do with this," Kyuubi looked off to the right and lackadaisically watched as a moth flew by. He'd have to kill it later. Kyuubi personally hated the weird white powdery [censored] that they left behind, dirtying things up for no reason. Giving _him_ more work. He didn't particularly like cleaning. Especially since Naruto didn't know the definition or organization nor trash can.

"The point of this whole conversation is to get you to leave, correct?"

"Hai"

"And the reason I'm not permitting this is because if your emotions control you and you become fierce and violent like you are now, out there... It will be bad. Correct?"

Naruto tsked again, an annoyed habit. Along with a nasty glare that could make milk curdle, of course.

"... Hai..."

"Then Naruto, please enlighten me. Why would I let you endanger the outside world with your nasty temper and strength, when the whole point of kitsune demons hiding away is to prevent that?"

Naruto growled as his purple-ish eyes turned pure red. A hiss emanated from his mouth as his claws and fangs lengthened.

"**You told me I would be able to leave! You told me that after the training I could go and visit the outside world!**" the blonde roared.

"Don't use your _Dengenwoireru ijou_ against me pup," Kyuubi's voice became an octave deeper as golden eyes narrowed.

"You said I could leave though! I hate this place!"

"Stop whining, pathetic scrap. You are nowhere ready, even _after training_."

"Heartless bastard! You lied to me!" Naruto howled. The older demon scoffed, fluffy ears twitching for a millisecond. "

"_**I'm**_ heartless? This whole goddamned world is heartless."

"Not everyone..." Naruto murmured, eyes flickering back to their usual azure color. Kyuubi mentally noted that Naruto seemed sure of that.

"You do remember, do you not? It has only been a few hours after all. Surely you remember our last mission."

Naruto showed no emotion whatsoever at the memory.

"How could I not? Okaasan... Otousan... " Naruto paused, feeling an unintentional and foreign feeling pang his heart. Maybe he should go visit a doctor later. His chest was hurting... How unusual. It was rare for fox demons to get sick after all due to their and other demons' special ability to heal quickly.

"We have to kill our parents simply to prove loyalty to _them_..."

"Exactly. Now Naruto, who is heartless? The older brother who's restraining you for the safety of others, or the younger brother who assisted in his parents' assassination simply to grow stronger?"

Naruto furrowed his golden eyebrows. It was embarrassing. Frustrating. Bothersome. Annoying, that his brother was correct yet again.

"That's right," Kyuubi cooed, ruffling Naruto's blonde locks. "Now who wants ramen?"

Naruto's face brightened, all pain lost and easily forgotten.

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**Author's note;** And that's the end of the prologue. Reviews will make me happy, but of course are not required. I hope this wasn't too bad. I'll hopefully upload the official 1st chapter later today.

THINGS WILL BE EXPLAINED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER

Sorry, but I have fun making twisted stories. _"Naru, how could you kill your parents and not even care?!" _Yeah, well as I said, it will be explained later. And yeah, when i re-read this I was like, why not just replace Naruto with Sasuke and Kyuubi with Itachi? then it might still work out by the way i was making them act XD but no worries, our normal Naruto that we all love will be coming soon!


	2. Combine

私の悪夢とのティータイム

_Tea time with my nightmares_;

chapter 1

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_Over a century ago, a large demon fox broke loose on one of the governing villages in the land of fire. However, fox youkai had a contract of alliance with the village, so the attack was both unexpected and unacceptable. It was also supposedly 'accidental' since the kitsune clan had actually been in the process of putting the fox demon 'to sleep' when he suddenly rampaged and escaped._

_Then basically to save themselves from becoming hunted and eventually extinct, the head organization of the Uzumaki demons decided that if they were left alone, they would go into hiding for the rest of eternity and not come out for the safety of the citizens. Head humans and other demons/hanyou liked this idea, so it was set. However, the common folk were not informed on this, so fox youkai were believed to have died off. The stories of their supposable misdeeds did not. How very unfortunate indeed, because fox demons were actually known for being very attractive and good mates. Strong willed mentally and physically. Especially the special gift that all males had._

_However, fox demons rarely mate unless it is a necessity or for pleasure. This is because fox demons rarely carry emotion. In the past, kitsune youkai had been common and very lovable creatures. However, as time moved along, the species altogether became far more feral and animalistic. Now even to the extent that mothers often do not care for their young. This caused those young ones to grow up without ever feeling love too, and eventually it was a chain reaction. Now it's believed to be in their genes._

_However, a certain blonde was never quite considered normal._

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**-present day-**

"Kyuubi! Quickly, combine with me until you have the strength to maintain a full body!" Naruto yelled, hot tears running down his face as the cold rain pelted down harshly. The older brother, bleeding and out of breath only stared at his younger brother. Not in anger -for once-, but in curiosity. Why was Naruto so worked up? It didn't matter whether he survived or not anyway. "I can't lose you! Not you too-" Naruto's voice broke as several sobs and wails were released. His shaking shivering form continued to drag his elder brother's limp body towards... towards what? Their village had been attacked. There was nowhere else to go.

"Naruto," Kyuubi began slowly and quietly. "If I combine with you-" Kyuubi felt his back lurch and sooner than he would have wished bloody puke began to tear its way up his throat and out his mouth onto the slippery stones of the mountain. Thank goodness Naruto still had good reflexes and managed to escape all but those stray drips. At the time, the blonde didn't seem to notice though. He was too preoccupied trying not to cry anymore.

"-If I combine," Kyuubi coughed several times. "Then I'll be living off of you like a parasite. Stealing your energy, stealing half of your food-"

"And that's all I'll have to sacrifice." Naruto cut his older brother off. "Other than that, everything will be normal me! The only difference will be that I eat a heck of a lot, then sleep for long amounts of time or have frequent naps. No biggie! It's not worth losing your life," Naruto reasoned. His voice was thin and uneven. As if the once beautiful -but now rusty- sound would abruptly cut off and break. Like a thin string that he was just barely grasping.

"Why does it even matter?" Kyuubi hissed, growing tired of this game already. He actually sort of wished that he could pass on already. He hated those dumb soap operas where the character survives for the next 3 episodes just sobbing when their guts are freaking leaking out/missing.

"Because..." Naruto paused. Because? Because what? Usually he wouldn't care. If Kyuubi died, so what? More Ramen and money for him. But when Naruto truly thought of losing his brother, his closest friend... Something inside him curled up in a ball, knotting itself in his intestines causing him to feel as if it was a gaping hole of pain that would just keep growing.

He felt as though he wanted to crawl into a corner and cry. Die there too, just sobbing to himself like the pathetic half breed he was. He couldn't even save the last Uzumaki other than himself! What else? What else **was** there? Kyuubi was all that he had left. The older brother that he had always felt more attached to, even more than his parents. His mother was a close second, but not quite there yet. Kyuubi, the older brother that he looked up to and thought that he would always be with. The older brother that acted tough on the outside, but he knew deep down that Kyuubi really cared. Even if only a sliver.

It was foreign to Naruto. The blonde was so... perfect, until a few years ago. After his mission to butcher his parents, he had started feeling... empty. As if he was missing a warmth that was usually there. Then after _**the incident**_, everything just changed. He... He didn't like it anymore. Naruto Namikaze Uzumaki, did not like _it_ at all. Whatever 'it' is and/or was.

He had never quite cried this much before either, so he truly didn't believe that his body would even release the salty liquid much longer. He hoped so anyway. It was becoming quite pesky since his already blurred eyes of exhaustion were blurring further. It would be far easier on his weakened body if he could just drop the extra weight too. Just drop the nearly dead pile of bones called his brother and watch it roll down the rain slickened rocks on the mountainside. Watch it bump and tear, breaking and cracking in several places until he finally heard the designated 'thud' of when it all ended. That would be nice- that would be easy. The easy way out.

The cowards way out. A coward? Naruto? No way. Naruto murdering his older brother?

_No_. _**Fucking**_. _**Way**_.

"Because..." Naruto bit his lower lip as he nearly slipped yet again. Was it just him, or was Kyuubi's body growing heavier and heavier? What the fuck did the hanyou eat to weigh so much anyway?! Just moments ago Naruto could have sworn that his brother was rather lightweight for his age, but now...

"Naruto, look. You're body's already weakening. You can barely stand, let alone have another soul feed off of your energy and strength. It would never work anyway. The conjoinment of us would probably succeed, but only for several minutes before I completely drain you and we **both** die." The redhead wondered if he had the strength to fling himself off and roll down the mountainous hill. Surely he'd die by that. Then Naruto could move on with his life. Survive. Strive. Succeed.

Oh no, wait. Naruto would probably follow his deceased body in some false sliver of hope that he'd somehow survived. Then, after finding his corpse, Naruto would probably blame himself and mourn his death so long that he would die anyway. _Damn you Naruto for being so stupid_ Kyuubi mentally groaned.

"Kyuu," Naruto dropped to his knees, hugging his elder brother's pale face into his once warm chest. "I don't want to lose you!" Naruto felt a familiar prick at the back of his eyes and knew that tears would soon arrive again. "You're all that I have! I'll be lonely, I'll need help! I'll-I-I-"

"Naruto, just get a _new_ family. You know, a wife and kids. I'm nothing special" Kyuubi scoffed, regretting it afterwards as his sore throat protested by another coughing fit. He hoped that this coughing fit would mask the pain. The pain that was growing in his stomach and he had no idea why or how to stop it. The redhead assumed that it had something to do with the fact that the katana earlier had been stabbed straight through his hip bone.

"Baka!" Naruto finally screamed, blue eyes turning a purple before they finally turned bright red. "I don't want you to die because _I love you!_"* (**AN**: brotherly love people) Naruto howled. Kyuubi's eyes widened. Love. He must have misheard him. He _must have_. Or better yet, Naruto must just be using the wrong words.

Love. An intense feeling of deep affection. Impossible for a fox demon, surely. So why was Naruto saying such a thing?

"Naruto, don't lie-"

"**I'm not lying!** I _need_ you here Kyuubi, with_ me_! When you're gone I feel anxious and alone. I feel as though no one else understands! At first it was just a slight longing, but ever since Okaasan died... I've been feeling needier and needier! Like I'm alone because everyone else-"

Kyuubi didn't speak. He didn't even blink as his widened eyes glimmered with recognition. He understood. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he understood what Naruto meant nearly perfectly.

It was as if ever since their kind mother died, everything seemed so black and white. Sure their father was precious as well, but their mother always just had that click. With everyone- she just knew. She seemed to understand things they didn't. Kyuubi noticed after time that in the end, _**she**_ was the most misunderstood. This was because she _felt_.

Of course this was expected due to the fact that she was human, but her children just never quite realized how different they were. On the inside, and on the outside. However, Kyuubi finally noticed that strange light in her eyes and asked her about it... he got answers. She said it strangely though, as if in a foreign language. For once in his life, Kyuubi hadn't understood. She talked about emotions as if they were so amazing, but isn't that what caused the downfall of the world several times? It was as if she was speaking in riddles!

_Without misunderstandings, you can never have understandment._

_Without fear, you can have no courage_

_Without unfairness you can have nothing mutual._

_Without pain, you can have no love._

"_Without emotion Kyuubi, you can live a perfect life, not a good one. With emotion you can live many lives. A life of scars and pain, a life of pure delicacy and love. A life that starts out fine but turns sour, a life that starts out bitter but has a sweet ending..."_

_Kyuubi knit his red eyebrows together in confusion. "It sounds... adventurous?" he replied, unsure of how to interpret what his mother said. It was frustrating that he couldn't help her rid herself of this plague called emotion. Surely she didn't love them as much as she said. Everyone at the temple despised her! Surely that couldn't be good._

"_It has it's bad things," the _human_ began. "But it also has ecstasies that you all could never imagine. In fact, I pity those who don't understand. Who fear what they do not know..." Kyuubi considered this, then re-remembered what his mother had said before._

"_It sounds... Like you need one thing to have another. Like a-"_

"_Balance." His mother smiled down at him when he pouted. For a 9-year-old, he was very smart._

"_Then, how would I get love? Pain. How do I get pain then? Do I need physical pain? Or is it all mentally?" Kyuubi asked, climbing onto his mother's lap. "You make it sound like... an adventure! Like a storybook. Sort of fairy tail-istic."_

_His mother's smile didn't drop, but faded a bit. She slowly combed her pale fingers through his soft red hair, beginning to hum a tuneless song. "I've shown you much love. Naruto and Father too. I've shown you discipline, love, disappointment... I hope that one day you'll all truly catch on. truly understand..."_

Kyuubi understood now. The way Naruto explained it was just like what he had been feeling ever since the only loving one on in their lives had left. It was as if to protect themselves, their bodies had activated. Activated the feel. the emotions...

But Kyuubi refused to admit this. That was until, Naruto said something that he truly understood. He had been feeling it too, but he never had the right word for it. Until Naruto said it.

"Because everyone else... Everyone is so **fake**."

Kyuubi was about to finally agree, until he realized just how much he had relaxed. Like how his eyes were shut and he didn't even have the energy to open them. And how he was frozen cold from the rain to his bones, and how his teeth were chattering yet Naruto was still kneeling beside him. Begging for Kyuubi to join him...

Kyuubi thought about it. Staying himself and dying, or joining Naruto, possibly saving them both, and possibly starting anew. Their clan was dead. They were the only ones left. This meant that they would **have** to return to the village which no Uzumaki had seen in over a hundred years. Konohagakure.

_Meh, why not?_

Kyuubi, not having the strength to voice his actions, quickly began the transmission and soon found his consciousness in Naruto's head. It was strange though. He could still feel his body. It was slowly turning into steam and vanishing from the earth by now though. Until he had enough power to wield a body again, this is how things would stay.

_**Naruto **_Kyuubi thought to his new... cage. _**Now that I'm part of you, our energies and strengths have combined. Since we'll both be sharing, this means that for now I've probably doubled your original strength. Think there's enough to last a run down to good old Konoha?**_

Naruto, too happy/exhausted for even speaking words, immediately transformed into a fox and began sprinting towards the direction he knew Konoha would be.

_**Other way, baka.**_

Okay, maybe not.

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**Author's note:** Don't you hate how you type like 7 pages, but then once you upload it on this website it looks so short? It makes me feel as if I'm not doing my job well unu

**I know, this chapter didn't seem to be deep enough with enough raging emotions and sobby moments. I know, it was intentional. Due to the fact that fox demons barely have any emotion, of course when they're practically dying they're not gonna find it that serious. This is why Kyuubi doesn't even think twice about letting himself die. In fact, he basically says that he's bored so why not?**

I actually feel as though this chapter with the sudden emotions is a bit rushed, but I'll take it much slower next time. And ku ku ku, guess who will arrive in the next chapter? that's right, our favorite raven *shoots heart canon*

Sorry for the long wait btw. I'm new to actually having a story that I have to keep up with eue

If you start hounding me about spell corrections -I've gone over this about twice though so I don't believe there are many- I used Google docs, so they allow words which Microsoft word does not believe are words.

R&R please. Thank you all for the favorites and follows by the way.


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